Lexington's Lair of Visions

Art, Spirit and Biography

by Transgriffin

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Child - 2023

Child - 2023

Cracking out of my trans egg and starting therapy kicked off a few additional, very important, but also hard, processes inside my brain.

I've been carrying a lot of religious trauma throughout my life. Now that I've begun facing, and working through it, there are often times where grief completely takes over my soul.

In this instance, I thought back to the child that I once was. I realized the horrifying things that I had been taught, about humanity, about myself, from a very, very young age.

Things no innocent child should ever have to think about, not even for a split moment.

I realized that I deserved better. That this little boy I once was, deserved so endlessly much better than what he got from those who, ideally, should've loved him unconditionally.

They certainly were perfectly persuaded that their ways were born from their very best intentions.

But they damaged me deeply.

Drawing this image was challenging in an entirely different way than any other piece. The moment I had drawn Lexus' facial expression, my entire body started to shake.

I cried. I mourned. For myself. For little Lexington. For my innocent little child-life I couldn't have.

And so, this artpiece was created to work through the grief, the anger, the indignation, the disappointment, and the longing that came from mourning the innocence of my childhood, that was robbed from me before I could even stand a chance.

Maybe today I wouldn't be so broken, had I been treated better as a child. Had I been taught that I am GOOD, that I am VALID, that I am WORTHY.

What I got was not what I deserved. And here, my adult self sits crying in the woods, holding his dead childhood in his hands, devastated from the loss, entirely unable to grasp how someone could be as cruel as to shoot down a beautiful, innocent and defenseless little bird for absolutely nothing.

That which has been stolen from me was irreplaceably valuable. It cannot be forgiven.

But maybe this little bird is not as dead as I thought it was.

Maybe, somehow, I can still experience the innocent joy of a little child.

Somewhere, deep within me, I know he's still alive.

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